I’m walking out of 2019 with a limp. Not literally…it’s a figurative limp. Just in case you got worried for a second.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not counting 2019 as an awful year. There are too many good things that happened for which to be thankful. It’s just that some of the unexpected events of 2019 have left a permanent mark and I’ll never walk through life the same again. I struggled through most of 2019 feeling lost and uncertain. Honestly, I’m eager to move into 2020.

As I’ve been processing 2019, I’m saying good-bye to the things I need to leave behind; grieving a job, relationships, and dreams. I’ve also realized that there is one thing that I received in 2019 that I am not willing to let go. My struggles of this past year have left an awareness of God’s presence in the small moments. I see his handiwork more and more each day. I feel him drawing me forward into 2020, stronger. I’m not stronger because of who I am. I am stronger because for the first time ever I recognize that I can’t do this on my own. I’m more fully aware of my need for him and that’s not something I’m willing to leave behind in 2019.

So as I reflect on 2019 and step into 2020, I’ve written a prayer for myself that I’d like to share with you. Perhaps there are some things in my prayer that resonate with you.

Prayer for 2020.

God let this be a year in which I seek your voice above the wisdom and opinions of others. Let my goal be to bring you glory instead of bringing me glory.

May I be so familiar with your voice and your ways that I know counterfeit messages when I hear them.

May I truly trust you with who I am and what I do. Protect me from shrinking back to fit into any box that others have designed for me. Guard me from creating false images to impress others.

Let this be the year that I stop waiting for a stamp of approval from “them” (whoever they may be) to step into my calling. Please continue to remind me that you’ve already unleashed me into the world.

God, I will face moments in 2020 that will cause me discomfort. Remind me that you are near. Help me to trust your plan for my life. Draw me closer to you in these moments.

LORD, I will also face sweet moments of joy. Let me truly experience them and then thank you for the gifts you give. Help me to lean into the joy and share it with those around me.

Let 2020 be a year in which I find joy in the small and unimportant things.

Be near to me in the big things. Help me to stay close to you in those moments so that I don’t become distracted.

God help me to enjoy my “people,” but not so much that I fail to see others around me. Let my #squadgoals always involve friends I have yet to meet.

God, whatever power I may possess, let me use it to elevate others and not for my own personal gain.

LORD, you know the future. You know what I am facing. Be near to me and work through me in 2020 so that in all things others may know you more.

That’s all for now,

Sarah

This reflection started as I worked through an exercise called Hello/Good-bye by Lead Stories podcast. It’s an incredible tool to help to say good-bye to the necessary things of 2019 and step into 2020 with hope and intention. You can find their amazing resource here.

My grandfather died on a day in early December when I was seventeen. Less than six days prior, he’d been belting out Joy to the World at my older brothers wedding and lamenting that he couldn’t dance at the reception because of his “ticker.” Little did we know that less than a week later that same “ticker” would give out in a grocery store while he was buying bread. Christmas that year had a lot less laughter and felt a little more somber.

That’s the reality for a lot of people at Christmas. Tragedy strikes at inopportune times. Cancer treatments still take place over the holidays and there will always be a family experiencing a first Christmas without someone they love. I feel like each new day brings a hard story filled with grief and struggle. It’s hard to reconcile the joyfull trappings of Christmas with the tough stuff of life.

Yet as I look closer at the Christmas story and the Old Testament prophesies, it’s exactly those hard stories that mean so much at Christmas. Jesus was sent as Immanuel, meaning “God with us.” So much of the Bible is the story of “God with us” and it all crescendos at the Christmas story and Jesus birth.

If you want a great resource to learn more about “God with us” in the Bible, I’d highly recommend the She Reads Truth podcast, Advent-Week 2, episode 4. But a real quick review: God was with Adam and Eve in the garden, with the Israelites in the desert and David wrote so many psalms about God’s nearness. The Old Testament is filled with all of the ways that God was with his people.

Jesus didn’t come to earth so that we could create a holiday. Jesus took on human form because God didn’t want his people to go through the darkness; the wilderness, alone. He wanted to draw us back to him. There was only one way to do that and it all started at Christmas.

Christmas begins Jesus life here on earth and ends with his death and resurrection. Christmas isn’t just about baby Jesus in the manger, it’s also about the cross of Good Friday and the empty tomb of Easter.

Which is all lovely religious talk, but what does that have to do with the hard stuff here on earth?

What I recall from the aftermath of my grandfathers death was that for months afterwards I felt like I had someone watching over me who was always on my side. Maybe I’d be driving and someone would cut me off and I just felt like I could say to grandpa, “Did you see that? What a jerk!” I could talk to my grandpa about hard things and I felt like he was near.

Now, I don’t want to get into the theology of whether or not my grandpa was actually watching over me but what eventually came out of that experience is that I finally understood “God with us”. God is that always available person, who is FOR me and always willing to listen.

In this season, one where it’s tough to live in the tension of sparkle and joy and happy songs yet surrounded by stories of grief and loss, I can remember that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 NIV)

That’s the wonder of Christmas and the reason I’m changed. I recognize his sacrifice, the cost to him that he became human, and I experience his nearness in my hard moments and in the joy too. Experiencing this has changed me.

Celebrating Christmas isn’t about lights, or trees or food. Celebrating Christmas is for a quiet moments remembering that God changed everything to be near to us.

Takeaway Time

Experiencing God’s presence is a practice. Take a moment: could be five minutes, it could be 30. Start by acknowledging God’s presence. Maybe sit in a chair, pull out another and imagine Jesus is sitting across from you. Or turn off your radio when you’re driving alone in your car and pretend that Jesus is in the passenger seat.

Then talk to him out loud. What do you want to say to him? Do you want to ask him questions? Maybe you want to tell him about something good that happened. Or maybe you’re really mad at him for stuff that’s been happening in your life. Tell him any of those things.

Do you feel any different after you talk to him? If you do, write it down. If you feel nothing, write that down too. Practice this until Christmas day.

He’s near and he’s listening. Practice spending time with him.

Are you an innkeeper or a shepherd? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself lately. Sticking with the Christmas story from Luke, I wonder which one of the characters I would be in the story.

Let’s reread it shall we?

A lot has been made of the innkeeper that isn’t actually said in scripture. He’s been made a villian. Poor Mary shows up at his doorstep, very pregnant and he turns her away. This is shown in videos, and played out on stage. I’ve also heard that the innkeeper is generous. He didn’t have room in his house so he made room where he could.

Actually, the innkeeper isn’t even named in Luke. It simply says “and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” Luke 2:7

Whether or not there was one mean innkeeper or many people who didn’t have a guest room in their home, it really doesn’t matter.

The bottom line is that one night, in the town of Bethlehem, Jesus was born and there was no room for him.

Each person in that town went about their business as usual, unaware of what was happening right in front of them.

And then we have the shepherds. My NIV version of the Bible says that the shepherds were living out in the fields nearby. They were living without room. Their status was as humble as possible. As I wrote about last week, an angel appears, their lives are disrupted and they find Jesus. After they find him “they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the sheperds said to them.” Luke 2:17-18

One thing that I wonder…how far out of town were those shepherds? Was it so far off that the chorus of angels couldn’t be visible in the town? Or is it possible that the people in Bethlehem missed the angels outside their window?

Unlike the town of Bethlehem and the innkeeper, the shepherds lives are turned upside down that night and they live it out.

So am I the innkeeper or the shepherd? Recovering the wonder of Christmas is about more than enjoying quiet moments. It’s about more than inviting God into my life, giving him time in the morning and then going on with my day. Honestly it’s about more than just basking in God’s love for me, though I do think that’s a VERY good thing.

Recognizing that God loves us so much that Christ came down is the very beginning of Christmas. But there’s more to the story.

God is a disrupter. He disrupts our plans. He invites us into his story so that others can be amazed at how we’re changed.

Have you ever wondered what changed in the shepherds that night? In verse 17 and 18 it says “When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and ALL who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.“

What would it take to be more like the shepherd?

The shepherds were living in humility. They already knew their status was low. They weren’t trying to pretend it was anything other than what it was.

So when the angel showed up and they found Jesus, they had no choice but to share what they had seen and heard because it changed them. God changed them.

Do I recognize my own humanity? Can I see that I’m in need of Jesus all the time? I can’t do enough good things to ever earn God’s love. And yet God loves me (and you) enough that he generously made a way for us to be with him. Does that news overwhelm me enough that I want to share it? Does it change me every time I think about it?

This week on social media I started a little project called Mission Monday. The idea is that every Monday I’ll take on a mission for the week to live out the truth that to love God means that we also love people. It’s based on Matthew 22: 37-40 “And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

The two go hand in hand. If we love God but we’re crappy to the people all around us, we aren’t being like the shepherds. People might be amazed by us…amazed at how unkind we are perhaps. But they won’t want to follow Jesus.

And if we love people but we don’t love God, we’ll rely on our own viewpoints and perspective. We may love those in our lives who are lovable, but what about the ones who are difficult? Without God we may be able to love others for a time, but our patience, our endurance to keep going will wear out.

I want people to watch my life, every single part of it and want to know more about God. I want to love the people in front of me the way God asks me to. Like the shepherds I want people to see a change in me and be amazed.

This week, let’s show the world that Christmas has changed us…in a way that will leave people amazed.

Takeaway Time!

Think of someone in your life who is difficult. Perhaps it’s someone you work with, or maybe it’s a person on Facebook who has political views that are polar opposite of your own. It could even be someone in your family.

Now I want you to pray for them. Pray for blessings on them. And then, would you ask God to help you see something good in this person? Something beautiful?

This last request is big…would you find a way to tell that person the beautiful thing you see? Maybe it takes all of your bravery to write it in a card or text it to them. Or maybe you’re feeling really courageous and you’re able to speak something beautiful to them. Whatever it takes, try to speak life into this person. Do it without expectation. He or she may receive it with grace and be grateful. It may be the beginning of something awesome. It could also fall flat. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is. What matters is that you’re listening to God, letting him change you and living out of that place. God controls how it’s received. Let that be enough.