We’ve been spending a lot of time at home lately. One, because we’re in a pandemic and we’re limiting exposure. Two because after living as nomads for three months, home is the place we all want to be. Add in a puppy who can’t be crated for hours on end and suddenly we’re a very homebound family.

Less activity has provided me with a lot of time to reflect and be still. In this season of upheaval that has been the best thing for my soul. God has given me plenty of space to examine, dream and pray about the year we left behind and about the year ahead. I wonder about the church and it’s role in our family and also in this culture. I wonder about politics and how we got to this place and how I can train my kids to do better. I wonder about social media and it’s impact on my life and my daughter’s life. But mostly I wonder how I could do and say things differently to ensure that we grow good things and let go of the things that steal our soul, even as we begin to venture back out into the world.

If you’re familiar with Instagram you know that adding a filter to a photo is super simple. In a split second it’s possible to transform a picture to add drama or tone. As I look back on the last 12 months I think it’s possible that I allowed that to happen in my life and God used 2020 to hold up a mirror to show me exactly how bad it was. God stripped off the filters and revealed my life through his eyes.

My word for 2020 was joy. I walked into the year with big expectations. I was hoping for God to use 2020 to heap abundant joy into my life. Which is hilarious when you think about it because in less than three months all the things we knew as “normal” were turned upside-down. One-on-one coffee dates were gone, hug were gone, sports were gone, school was gone and alone time was a thing of the past. All things that had previously brought me joy. And yet, I experienced abundant joy in 2020 in part because all of those things were stripped away.

I watched the sunset more. I walked more. I cooked more. I saw my husband more. I did more puzzles with my family. We watched movies together and laughed together. I grew friendships in 2020 that I hope to keep for a lifetime. At the end of 2020 I am a better version of me than I was at the beginning of the year; more prone to choose joy; God’s joy, to look for it and acknowledge it. These things were always available to me, but I’d allowed layers upon layers of busyness and stuff to filter them out.

It wasn’t just the busyness in my life that prevented me from experiencing joy, it was the opinions and expectations of others that I heaped on myself that stole joy. I had allowed joy to be filtered out.

When the whole world changed last spring I spent a lot more time reading news on my phone. I clicked on various websites to stay informed on what was happening in our country-with regards to COVID but also in Washington and with protests. I believed that my voice mattered and I needed to take a stance. I am pretty opinionated and all of it made me angry. The filter of news over my own life experience resulted in high drama in my soul, anxiousness in my heart and it suffocated joy.

At some point last fall I made one step to make a shift. I stopped logging into Facebook. Now, instead of listening to my friends (whom I LOVE) tell me what was important to pay attention to, I started to pay attention to the people standing right in front of me. As the anxiety eased, I recognized the role that the constant news updates were having on my anxious heart and I began to limit time spent scouring for new stories. I spent more time listening to music or doing puzzles. The shift was slow but sure. The more “static” I cut out of my life the more space I afforded the Holy Spirit to speak. And the Holy Spirit has been so loud. I’ve heard correction and encouragement. I’ve been given my word for 2021 and even a mission for my next steps. Most importantly, the stillness in my life has helped me to see that my small everyday life, one that is not flashy or perfect, brings the most unspeakable joy when it is spent in tune with God.

I don’t think social media is evil. Nor do I think staying up to date on the news is inherently bad. But they can steal our joy when we allow either of them to be the filter of our lives. This season has afforded us an amazing opportunity to hit pause and ask ourselves, who or what is controlling the narrative? Is it possible that we’ve allowed a filter of drama or fear to steal the reality of what is actually true in our lives? Have we removed the bold colors of an orange sunset against the backdrop of a deep blue sky by adding a filter that transforms our lives to gray?

I have a new practice in my day. My word for 2021 is beauty and so each day I look for it. It might be the gorgeous bloom of my Christmas amaryllis, or how my puppy looks as she sleeps belly up basking in the sun. I’ve seen beauty in the life of a friend who fosters and I’ve heard it as a friend shares with me her train of thought as she sizzles brunch on the stove.

Each of our lives is filled with beauty and joy. The challenge we all face is, can we see it?

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