Each Sunday our family walks in to church a few minutes late. My very tall children trail behind us as we slip behind the crowds and down the hall to the side entrance. We scan the dark room for five seats together and we slide our way in. During the greeting time we smile and greet those around us and quietly take our seats. At the end of the service we gather our belongings, pick up a donut on our way out the door and saunter to our car. Maybe you’ve seen a family like ours at your church (if you go to church). Or maybe you are us.

This has not always been our routine. At one time we were the last people to leave on a Sunday morning. My children would explore the playground behind the building or play with their friends in the sanctuary. We knew the names of most everyone who walked in the building. We knew their stories. I vividly remember looking around the sanctuary on Sunday mornings, knowing the hard things in the lives of those around me and feeling overwhelmed at my love for those people. It was one of the sweetest times in my memories of church.

That was before all of the wounds. And how we got to where we are now is complicated. But I’m beginning to feel the nudge of God. And I think it has to do with church.

Two phrases have been rattling around in my brain lately.

The first is “It’s time to get unstuck.” and the second is “Some people suck”

Now, I realize that the second phrase is negative and you may be offended by it. I’m sorry if that’s true. But it’s the phrase that my husband has been trying to get me to adopt as my mantra when my overdeveloped sense of justice rolls in. I know the phrase is not uplifting, nor is it kind. But I’ve been considering it in light of Matthew 10:14 “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.” I think that Jesus was trying to warn us that some people are unkind and will not treat us well (i.e.. some people suck). He was giving us permission to move on…to get unstuck if you will. Recognizing that “some people suck” doesn’t mean that Jesus does not also love them. It’s not condemning them to hell. It’s simply allowing us to “shake the dust off our feet” and move on. Maybe we need to amend the saying to “some people suck sometimes” to remind us that we all could be those people and that “those people” are also loved by God.

• Side note: When I say some people suck, I don’t mean they have a different opinion than you do on masking at church, or how many hymns are best for worship. Those are normal every day relationship things that the people of God have to figure out. When I say that “some people suck” I mean the people who lead with anger, who demand allegiance to an organization above all else; those who demean others, who create emotional wounds that linger.

Church wounds are painful. My wounds were created when I went into situations believing that I was giving my time, energy and finances to glorify God but then I disordered my love for the church and it’s leaders and elevated their voice into the place of God. And I learned that what I was offering was never enough because in their humanness leaders wanted more from me than I was able to give. They too were human and had disordered loves. And so I left wounded and stuck.

I’ve been feeling stuck for a while. I’ve been waiting for church to feel safe again before I engage. Waiting for my heart to feel less tender. And that hasn’t happened. Our culture has taught us that we deserve justice, to feel safe and comfortable. There has been a lot of talk lately about living wholeheartedly and that is a good thing. We should be working to be well in our body, mind and spirit. There is one small problem; it’s not what God promised our life would look like. R. Thomas Ashbrook covers this in his book Mansions of the Heart,

The Wholeness Goal leads to a dead end because it is far beyond our control, and only relatively attainable, if at all. For example, every apostle lived a life of extremes, difficulty, and sacrifice. They all suffered martyrdom. Even John died alone, exiled on Patmos. History is filled with followers of Jesus who have had to bear great illness and poverty, far from what we might call a balanced life.

Ashbrook, R. Thomas, (2019) Mansions of the Heart

Feeling safe, balanced and peaceful cannot be the goal in following Jesus. I think that’s what God is trying to teach me. If I wait until it feels safe I could be stuck forever. And I’m tired of feeling stuck.

I’m currently reading through the book of Acts. This week part of the story of Paul lodged its way into my heart and has taken root. It begins in Acts 20, verse 22 when Paul said “And now I am on my way to Jerusalem, compelled by the Spirit, not knowing what I will encounter there, except that in every town the Holy Spirit warns me that chains and afflictions are waiting for me. But I consider my life of no value to myself; my purpose is to finish my course and the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of God’s grace.” Paul knew that he was walking into situations that were not safe and he did it because he knew God had entrusted him with his testimony. And his situations were physically not safe.

Maybe you have church wounds. Let me be the first to tell you that I’m sorry for what happened. Being hurt by the Church is not the way it’s supposed to be. Your hurt is real and painful. And I can’t heal it. But God can… if you let him. He is good and kind. He is trustworthy, even when people are not. God is worthy of our worship. We can trust him.

Life works best when we put God first. I think that’s because God sees all of our mess and loves us still. And he never makes us feel as though we’re not enough. He didn’t need us, He created us for no other purpose than to be with him. C.S. Lewis says it this way “God, who needs nothing, loves into existence wholly superfluous creatures in order that He may love and perfect them.” And God is worthy of our worship. He is faithful, and good. He is mighty and powerful. He created beauty all around us because of his kindness. God is holy. And from the place of being fully loved by a holy God, we can enter into a community (that’s still broken) and worship him.

God does not promise that our future will be free of affliction; there will always be people who suck. There will be people who hurt us and they may be in the church. We must also recognize that we have the potential to be the people who hurt others. Yet, God is trustworthy and good and He is calling us all into community because He is on the move and He knows we’ll need need others by our side to encourage us along the way.

It’s time to get unstuck.